What it feels to have a crush and be a fan! Kim Hyun Joong it is!

So just recently because of the power er of the internet, youtube and search engine I’ve become a total fanatic and for the first time ever in my life I had a total crush on someone. Hahahaha it’s funny how you could feel so attached to the person without even knowing him in real life. 

 

I now know how it feels to have a crush like butterflies becomes flutterby in your stomach eh! And it’s weird how you daydream of meeting the person and being close to him or just becoming friends with him.

I’m not sure why in an instant I felt this kind of emotions towards this particular crush of mine which I know is very impossible to see or met or even talk to or chat or whatever connection it will be. So far away yet I felt like he’s so near or I’m just paranoid! Hahahaha crush really wow I can’t believe it makes someone crazy!

Well I know at some point why I had a crush on him, first and foremost I can sense that some of our characters doesn’t differ that much such as being not so caring, go with the flow persona but also tries our best when it comes to work and career matters. I guess I like him for that passive character because somehow I am like that also. Another thing is his being kind of in the middle of extroversion and introversion. I love that! Aside from the physical attraction of course. Physically I like how his face looks like but I don’t like the shape of his body, I’m not into bulging muscles and such so just the face is what I love. In his drama characters what I love the most is his being Baek Song Ju on Playful Kiss. I like how the character keeps on denying to himself that he loves the girl though it shows that much in his actions.

For the time being I’m not sure if when will this kind of feelings go away but somehow I’m happy to have experienced it in this super late age. Well at least we are of the same age bracket. But you know I don’t have plans of becoming a stalker kind of fan. I would just love and just seeing him in picture or watching his movies unless time allows or a twist of fate will let us meet in person then that will be a blessing.

Okay enough of it! Thanks Kim Hyun Joong you at least made me feel it is possible to have a crush and it’s an incredible feeling to be experienced!

Life constantly

Things in life are always uncertain like the changing time. You always have to be ready. Lately my life has been a little bit dramatic. A lot of things has been happening, some events that were lurking around suddenly came pooping out of nowhere.

I have always said that I am a very contented person. Always thankful of what I have and I just live life with what I have. But I also have worries.

Since life is never constant at all, challenges are always there. Just like in this photo I was sitting next to the cuddly thing looking happy and relieved but inside are the anxiousness, worries and pains. I’m like the teddy with stuffs inside. But I’m glad because without the stuffs I wouldn’t be formed like I am.

The stuffs inside may contain that of gladness for having lived and see the colors of the world, other stuffs may contain the blues of life where darkness may also be a part.

To me it’s just that we always need to remember how constant life is, how constantly it is evolving and making us grow.

Kenny G.’s classics I love it!

I am listening to his music and yay! I’m super in love with it. It feels like falling in love for the first time. So romantic yet inspiring! Brings back all the good memories and makes you realize it’s always never too late to be inspired again.

Scribbling these words is just a proof it made me feel like writing again. The romance that the song brings to ones ears makes you want to stay in love and be loved. Kenny G. he’s the man.

He really made my day! So this is the kind of music I’ve been wanting to listen to and been looking for and finally I found it at last!

Thanks!

I will miss you forever Choco

 

Today I am grieving, I could not understand why he needs to pass away too soon. I am not ready to accept yet that he is gone. He’s been with me and witnessed a lot of my life. My ups and downs, he’s been there to listen, to make me laugh. He taught me a lot of things in life. He always makes my day when I’m down.

Though he is stubborn at times but Choco is my super buddy. I could not imagine how and why is he gone. It hurts so much, how I’ve been thinking about him everyday. How I worry about how he’s doing. It hurts so much my he’s need to be so far away from me and be gone forever.

Choco please find Cloud and be with him, I know you two will be happy that you’ll finally see each other now.

I will miss you forever Choco, thank you so much for all of the unconditional love. For your companionship, for the happiness and good memories. It will last forever. I will miss you! Please don’t forget me.

I love you buddy!

I’m finally home

Contemplation I’ve done too much of it. To be free and be home is the most wonderful thing in life. That’s where I am right now. 

Way back then  my wisdom was rich, full of promises, colorful and never vain but then I got lost, trapped and then slowly it is fading away.

I don;t even know how to write anymore, how to express my feelings, how to feel things, how to see life, how to see the light in the dark. I was just in that empty space alone, troubled and confused. I am in the verge of having my emotional state extinct.

I could not understand and fathom why people are like that, they are shallow, dark, mean, heartless.

I know God still loves me for he’s given me a chance to wake up from the nightmare and free myself instead.

Nobody is of help but God sent me the light and helped me understand choices are always made, you never ran out of it.

So now I am happy, contented, relieved that at last I was able to go back home, literally in physical form, emotional state and above that spiritually there were lots of realizations.

Thank you God for all I know I can always lean on you.

It is crazy how we always neglect the power of choices, the power to be free, the power to be heard, to express, to tell things, to feel things. There are always options go out there and search for the answers by making choices.

Set your spirit free!

 

Let me go

When time comes I need to ask people to let me go. Why? Because they’ve been clinging to me for a very long time. My dreams are fading away. My life is fading faster than I expected.

All of the hard times, this is taking toll on me. I didn’t dream it this way. This is a nightmare. Please let me go.

Let me chase my dreams.

Self Pity

I feel really sorry for myself today.

I envision myself as a young lady, heads down and crying. In a world of nobody.

I feel pity how I trusted fate to bring me into this dungeon.

I know it’s my fault, I know I have a choice but I don’t know how to begin again.

I am starting to lose grip of every dreams that I have, I am starting to become so useless, vain and in pain.

This is hard hopefully I can get out of here.

What a pity.

Lost

Sometimes in life there comes a time when you realize you are starting to lose yourself. There are times you feel like there’s something wrong but then you are trapped and can’t move. You feel weak and undecided.

Your mind is empty, you can’t think clearly and you just feel sorry for yourself. You might even ask “How can I get out of this”.

It’s like a nightmare, you are surrounded by nobody but your confused persona. Nobody cares about how you feel, you wanted to be free but you are tied and the knot is so hard to reach.

There were moments when only you can save yourself. No one else is there, there’s no need to wait, nobody’s coming. It’s your own fight and struggle, yet you are so weak.

How could you ever surpass it, how?

Living in these moments where everything is floating and there’s no concrete answer to whether they may fall or just stay there.

Even if you shake yourself for so many times you can’t wake up. The nightmare keeps on coming back and there’s no cure or answers coming around.

It’s really hard and very suffocating but there’s nothing you can do. A little bit of  HOPE is your only chance.

You feel like exploding, you are trapped, imprisoned and useless.

Life is hard when you get lost.

Am I lost? Yes I guess so.

 

Is Freddy Krueger Right around the corner?

Last night I had this super nightmare. I guess it’s a conflicting statement that when you remembered all the details in your dream you had a nice sleep. I didn’t have a nice wake-up actually. That was a nightmare.

So the dream was, I was in an Island with my husband and we were with friends and then suddenly a classmate texted me. She is asking me if she’s going to continue having her baby or not. Too bad that I don’t have load in my cellphone when I received her message and so I was not able to reply.

My husband and I continued chatting and strolling at the place where we’re at when suddenly I heard a baby crying. I was excited and overwhelmed to see the baby. And so I walk as fast as I could to reach the place and in a blink of an eye I was in this little hut near the seashore, I can see mothers lying on the floor and lots of babies too and then there was this old woman putting the mom’s to lay and pushing the baby out and then out of nowhere I heard a voice “Now it’s too late I’m going to have my baby aborted, because you didn’t respond to me!” I was astounded, that’s my classmate, and so I shouted at her “Nooo don’t just give the baby to me”, and then she disappeared.

Then I heard lots of babies crying. I went inside the hut and I saw that the old woman was an abortionist. And I thought for a second why? why now? what are they doing, the babies are alive why is this happening. Then the old woman shouted at me and said “Hey you come here, see those three babies” I looked at the floor and there lying 3 baby boys all crying and then the old woman continued “Look up above and she gestured with her hand, see the one on the right put him in the middle and have him exchange place with the other one. I was really sorry for the babies and so I took one baby and followed what the old woman said. Then while I was carrying the baby and was about to lay him down he turned into a demon and began eating my flesh and so I shouted as loud as I can and then the old woman came to my rescue and she has this liquid that she threw on the demon baby and it exploded.

After that I was crying when I saw another handsome and very cute baby smiling at me and he was gesturing like he wants me to take him and so I did, but then he also turned into a demon baby. And then I woke up.

It was such a nightmare.

Thoughts

Sa buhay maraming pagsubok, ngunit dahil may pag-asa patuloy ito sa pag-inog. Pag-ibig, ito ay isa rin sa mga dahilan upang ang buhay na ito ay magkakulay. Higit sa lahat ay ang Poong Maykapal na siyang nakakaalam ng lahat. Ito ang buhay ko…