Sometimes

            Sometimes I’m running out of ideas. I don’t even know if what I will write. Just like now, I’m still blank while doing this thing.

            And here it is. Actually it had been raining here since early this morning because of the incoming typhoon. Not only that it’s also windy. That’s why y recruitment outfit really fits that day. My jacket with matching long pants. Hehehe that’s how I’m getting ready for another field work.

            I don’t know if what really are kinds of people are here in

Roxas
City that until now no one had ever passed an application letter to me. It’s as if my efforts are just useless. I don’t know on how to explain this thing. When I was the one hunting for a job, I would apply to all of the vacancies that I saw on paper when I stroll around the city proper. Whew! This is really a total struggle.

            I really can’t take this anymore I wanted to really cry out loud. whahahaha….where are you applicants? I’m really needing you!! please….. I’m not giving up. I’m still holding on, I’m still holding on…

Glenda

gwenetian (Today)

Today

 

When I wake up this morning I felt this dizzy thing but there’s no time for me to give an attention to it since I am thinking of my work.

I don’t want to be absent for my campaign needs more improvement. And so I did went to the well where we use to take a bath and bathed myself with the cold morning water. Good thing it made me feel refreshed. Then I went home and fix everything for me to be ready for my duty.

Actually I have to do the routine of distributing some papers about the company’s job vacancies. I haven’t even remembered that Mr. Sullivan told me the night before, he’ll send me some more money for my budget until I received his text message. That time I was having a rest in one of the bakery stores near the terminal.  While I was trying to buy some bread there were groups of children in their messy and dirty shirts who approached me. They were begging for foods. I was really hungry but I can’t take the pain of seeing their hungry faces. And so I did give some of my breads to them. I was just trying to control my tears not to fall from my eyes.  This situation and people is one of my weaknesses. So upon sitting down in one of the benches and biting the bread left to me I was trying to imagine myself in the shoes of those little angles who by fate was thrown in that situation. I then realized that I wasn’t alone in this world. I am still lucky, lucky for I fate is not against me, not so tightfisted. I was still given the chance have money to buy foods, clean clothes for my body etc.

            I was just wondering if what action does the government is taking for these people.

            I did resumed my job after eating. It’s really very, very tiring but it really feels good that you’re doing something for the company….

            If ever this project will not become a success here in Roxas I am very much willing to be assigned to other places.

            But I’m still holding on.

 

 

Glenda

 

Gwenetian (walking Yesterday)

            Yesterday I made myself busy with my activity for the day. Since it was Monday so I was thinking of doing new thing and activity. I remembered distributing the bookmarks that I had printed and made last time. Actually I already was able to distribute some of it to CPC students during the Orientation program where I was invited to speak for the company. Yes, actually I’ve been doing this activity since I started distributing the company ads not only for posting but at the same time to people I meet and talked with. This is the reason behind why I wasn’t able to enter the net café to update my reports. Actually I really enjoyed the activity. I’m hoping that through this I can gain  more applicants.

            Today when I logged-in the net café the first thing that I did is open my accounts. And there I saw and reads a letter from the company’s president. It really inspired me a lot to do my activities. He even recommends book and links for me to learn more about making friends and communicating with people. I do really hope I can find a copy of it in a bookstore. I do enjoy reading aside from writing. However, I am already running out of budget for I haven’t noticed that I overlooked the record when the president asked me about it last time.

            But still, I’m continuously doing my job here. I’m really enjoying more and more everyday….

            Really hoping that this project will become a success…

Glenda

Gwenetian (Thoughts on freedom)

            Freedom is one thing we always want to have. Yes, if there’s one thing I would want to be free from. It would be from life’s uncertainties. But no one could ever get out of this maze. It’s possible but only temporary. If we were given the chance to free and escape ourselves from one of its circumstance we should expect that there will be more to come and follow. All we need to do is just to prepare and be ready to whatever challenge it would give us.

            In the roads of our lives there are detours, and that is to give us the chance to sometimes escape and breathe for a moment. Good thing that detours are their. The only power that we need to use is our innate capacity to understand, learn and focus on the things that we are aiming and wanting to have. Yes, that’s why we need to set certain goals in our lives so that even though we’re having detours we will still try to go back to the right track and path no matter how rugged the road there is. Because we have our goal, we dream and we are living on it. This is to put directions in our lives. If there are boundaries they never meant to stop us at all but they were there to remind us of our limitations, weaknesses that we need to overcome. Our imperfection is one thing a boundary is meant to remind us. It’s really hard to determine the shape of the road that we are trying to trudge along but what is important is reaching the right place at the right time and moment. Happiness, satisfaction and contentment are things that our reached goals will bring to us.

            We just need to remember that in our every step we also need to look down sometimes. Aiming high and soaring so high might put you into danger. It can become stumbling blocks to your road. For if there were views above you, there were also views below. They may somehow help you push yourself towards your destination. For people are of different levels you should know on how to walk with the different shoes and you must learn to put yourself on them.

            Being flexible is one great factor for you to achieve success. Sometimes you fall on the ground but because you know on how to look back. Those who are behind you surprisingly come to rescue.

             God is one great armor to be carried in your heart along the way. For He surely will never let you down. If some people tries to pull you down, you should be proud of it for it means you are above them because Jesus is carrying you. Yes, you are lucky enough for being noticed and given attention.

            No matter what happens says an old cliché Life Must Go On….

 

Glenda

           

(Gwenetian) My Day

            My migraine started when I’m in my fifth grade in elementary. When this thing attacks my fingers and hands are getting numb, my vision is getting so blurred and it’s as if I have thunderclaps inside my head. The ache is undeniably very much painful. All I can do is just put myself on bed, squeeze my head so tight and wait until the pain will slowly pass away. It was like I am being tortured.

            Yesterday I had an attack. I am suppose to have my duty when I suddenly felt the numbness in my fingers and there it was hitting me.

            Good thing the next morning it was gone.

            Today, I once again began my day. My job, I did went to Capiz State University Annex campus to meet the adviser of their student publication. Mr. Iturralde. Good thing he was there and we were able to talk and discuss about my purpose of going there.

            My weekly quota should be at least 10 screened applicants. Yes, honestly speaking I’m having hard times  to reach it. Though I’ve been marketing the company here in Roxas for almost a month but I don’t know if what’s the reason behind why there were only few applicants who were interested.

            I was walking at the city proper after going to the university when I noticed some of the job postings from other companies. It was teared down, like the ads that I posted. then I went to CPC due to call of nature, I hardly need comfort room to urinate. I was passing by at their bulletin board and I saw a lot of job ads being posted one of it is a job ad from a call center company. Yes, this is one controversial job opportunity and most of the CPC alumni’s that I was able to reach out were already working in call centers in
Manila.

            Then I overheard students talking about the job opportunity on that company. They said that the company offers at least twenty seven thousand a week for salary. That’s why they were so encouraged to apply after graduation. Upon going out of the CR, I distributed some of the bookmarks (company ads) to students I pass by. Also I tried to explain to them things about the job and the assignment.

            Then I did went to the net café to update my reports. However due to some power interruptions my work was also interrupted. But good thing the power came back again and I was able to finish it and send it to the President and the manager.

            I’m still holding on…

Glenda

 

Gwenetian (On becoming a leader)

My working days-

 

In my daily life I encounter a lot of experiences with different people. It was really exciting that everyday you’re meeting someone you don’t even know and later on you’ll realize that they can become good friends. Yesterday I and the president had this very, very ridiculous talk in our messenger. I was really glad I was given the chance to know this guy. I wasn’t expecting we will click together. He was one consoler too!  We always end up with funny conversations.  

            I was so thankful I had a boss like him. Actually we don’t differ in some of our characters. Like me  he’s also a fun loving person, enthusiastic, always full of zip, optimistic. I really like going with this kind of people. The one who knows how to deal with everyone. Our friendly nature is one thing we have in common.

            Actually if ever I’ll be given the chance in the future to become a boss I will surely be like him. Humble, true and simple. I would really love to manage people that way. I love being loved. When you lead people that way they would really feel that you love them and in return they’ll strive more to become more and more productive member of the company. Since you’re treating them the right way, with TLC.  Kindness is always repaid with kindness. Yes being too bossy made your workers feel they are being treated like robots.  

            I’ve already learned this when I got involved in different organization during my school years. When I was held to become the president of one of our school organization, I always treated my members with kindness and respect. I always say, you know what we just differ in positions but were all the same, were teammates, we have one goal, to make this organization improve! We need to try our best! I’m just here if you need me and tell me if I’m not doing the right thing. I’m always open for your suggestions and I am willing to be replaced if I haven’t done my part so effectively. With that my members were all open to me regarding their plans and we become one and we became success! I always show them I’m working, I don’t do commands. I just play my part as their role model. If they saw me working so hard for our projects they then realized that I’m in need of help. Sometimes I just keep quite and do my part. Then I’m just surprised that my members contribute their part and that is more than what I’ve asked and expect for. I use to give them time to relax and laugh and play and express themselves even just for one day. Sometimes I ask them to accompany me to the beach and we would do a lot of fun and open forums. With this strategy I was able to gain their trust and loyalty.

            Yes, I’m a democratic kind of leader. I don’t expect too much. I just get contented with what I have and I just wait for the luck to come. All I know is that I’m just doing my best, very best!

 

Glenda

           

Gwenetian (Filling the empty page)

Filling the empty page

 

Filling an empty page is like filling someone’s emptiness. This page may not be perfect but it’ll surely fill the reader’s eyes and mind with something new. Though some of the ideas are already passé but they indicate not only a single meaning and importance. People are of different personalities, they were all unique in their own simple ways. Meaning they may see and interpret this page in different ways, according to what they feel, who they are and how are they related and can relate to what is written here.

            I write for the sake of treasuring the thoughts that are in my mind. And if given a chance I would live my life… writing. Writing doesn’t only connote a single idea and thought. It is but one important factor to add up the spice in one’s life. Some doesn’t appreciate its real beauty. They weren’t even aware of its significance in their daily lives. A single word in an article means lot for it cannot be completed if there’s something missing on it. Like in music a single note plays a lot of role; to complete the song’s melody. The missing note needs to be hunted to complete the sound of whatever melody that will be played. In a ladder, you can’t go to the next level unless you pass next step. Writing is more than what is being uttered by the mouth for it can be treasured. Sometimes it touches people’s lives, it inspires them, it made them sick, it made them feel more depressed, angry and frustrated, sometimes it makes them happy, contented and simply face and live life the way it is.

            The daily circumstances that arise among individuals were all part of them and were written and interpreted by different writers and authors in different ways. Yes as what I have said we perceive things in different ways. But what is important is that, we know how to appreciate life and its beauty. We know our purpose and we know the reason why we’re here.

            Whether you’ll agree or not but each and every one of us wants to become famous and be the apple of everyone’s eyes. We always want to be in front, be appreciated and be loved. Yes, we want to be loved by all. You’re not just aware but that is one truth about us. We always crave for attention, like the irony “No man is an island”. Without the host where would the parasite live? The benefits that we gain from one another plays an important role in our daily existence. You can’t live by yourself alone, you need someone, a friend, a mentor, an adviser. It is impossible to build a school without students and teachers. For each and every one of us is meant for one another.

            Though I’m a lesbian but I still can’t deny that I’m also looking forward that soon I’ll realize that no matter what happens I’m still a girl. A wonderful creature created by God and will soon receive the concoction of love spell He had prepared for me. I know God is the only one who knows if what’s really right for me. I am subject under His power and I’m all ready to surrender everything to Him if time really comes that He already would want me to become a straight girl. I will be very glad then. Maybe my being a lesbian today has its purpose.  

            Writing really consoles my souls and it feeds me with more interest to live life everyday and expect that there’ll be more days to come…    

Gwenetian (My Instant Cyberdad)

“Having an instant Cyber dad is really a great experience. Warning: If you’ll continue reading this article and interested to know the real score behind it I’m warning you you’ll surely regret it. Never blame me if you don’t want this article you already have the warning. But it’s up to you if your eyes really itches to read it. Hmmm…remember…”

For almost 11 years I’m a wanderer, lost in my own world. Longing for love, longing to see and find Utopia. Yes, Utopia inside the heart of someone who cares, who gives love and time. Someone who worries for me, someone who is interested to listen and lend his ears to hear my cries. Someone who would understand and give me advice. A FATHER not just by name but by words and deeds.

I never thought the journey for this search would last this long. I’m already 21 and yet ’still longing for that company of someone whom I could call “daddy”. Until one day…Eureka! He came into my life. Yes, I at last found him. He appeared to me like a genie from the bottle and I’m hoping he’ll never disappear that way, I hope he’ll never be gone to me like a bubble. I believe it won’t happen. I love my daddy very much though he’s just a cyber dad. Never did I had even a simple regret for knowing someone as nice and kind as he is. He came into my life more than a big surprise.

Well, maybe you’re wondering why “cyber dad”. How could that be possible? My daddy and I have this very wonderful relationship as father and daughter. He is always at my side. He laughs at my jokes through smiley’s and we talk through chat but the magic is it’s not the distance that hinders us to be together rather it’s the thing that binds us more and gives us more faith to believe and love each other everyday. it’s always as if he’s just sitting beside me and talking ad laughing and giving advices. He even gives me money…

I honestly admit that even before the day I met daddy I’m already a girl whom you could refer to as “trying hard”. But I’m making it for good. I love my family, my brothers and my sister and my one and only beloved mother and the whole people on earth with no exception. I’m so thankful God had given me this kind of heart. I really rejoice also for His kindness and greatness to me for giving me this chance of experiencing a life with a daddy. I always believe that the greatest regrets in our lives are the risk that we did not take. That’s the reason behind why I met daddy. That is because I’m a trying hard and with my effort of trying my luck I found the man who would soon be my lucky charm my “Daddy”.

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• This article is especially dedicated to my one and only Cyber Daddy, Mr. Danny Sullivan.
• Author: Her proud Cyber Daughter Glenda Ramos
  

September 22,2006

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For more information please e-mail me:cute_glenda18@yahoo.com <

A greetings!. Take Care!!!

Gwenetian (Poem 1)

REVENGEGlenda S. Ramos 

Wounded there I lieWhere nobody even triedTo come near me and hear my cryI was trying to ask them whyBut they just turned away and said they don’t care if I’ll die 

It was such a painful feelingSeeing all of those old friends leavingAnd there I was left behind with my heart achingTaken aback as I was thinkingShould I still keep from longing or shall I say keep on turningWhen those people are on their mourning… 

But then I thought I have toBecause when these wounds are healedThen its time for me to build a true friendship that no one could ever break .Yes, indeed for me its my revenge… 

Gwenetian Chronicle (The Day When She’s Wanting My Hug)

The Day I realize She’s Wanting My Hug.

 

My grandma and grandpa were blessed with eleven siblings. Including my mom. Those siblings were able to give them more grandchildren. And that includes us. Me and my cousins were close and good playmates. We would always play together and share funny stories. Of all of them they considered me as the special one. I was always the apple of their eyes. It’s as if they don’t want me to go. That is also same with my aunts and uncles and most of all my grandma and grandpa when he was still alive. I don’t know if what’s really in me that they don’t want me to go every time we’re playing. That was when we were still young. I was thinking of the reasons behind that until I realized that we were gone for so long away from them. When we were at father’s place in Bicol. I grew up in different places. I was born in Pontevedra, then we transferred at Bicol when I was five, I had my schooling there for my preparatory, 1^st grade and 2^nd grade. Then when I reached ten years old my mom and dad got separated so we stayed in
Manila. In 
Cavite particularly at the house of my Mom’s friend. After staying there for almost one year we returned here in

Roxas
City and that’s the time that I once again meet my cousins. At first they were so aloof at me. They were just staring at me but I smiled back at them and ask them to play. So that was the time we regain our closeness again. Then they told me that actually they really recognize me, they don’t even recognize my sister because she was still baby when we left. The only thing is that they were just shy to approach me because I had changed a lot. I was laughing and I told them of course we grow up that’s why we change. I continued my schooling together with my sister. my cousins and me were in different schools we just meet and play after school hours. My Aunts and uncles were also so excited to see us arrive. At first I don’t know how to speak vernacular since I grow up in a place where we speak Tagalog or Filipino at home. I was always crying at school because I thought my classmates are trying to bully me. I don’t understand them and what are they trying to say. I really had this hard time to adjust with them. Some of them doesn’t know on how to speak Tagalog. When our teacher is giving her lessons and she speaks in  vernacular I really can’t understand and so I would ask her to explain it to me in Tagalog. Even my cousins were also having hard times talking and conversing with me since they need to speak in tagalong. But I had fun learning the vernacular until I was able to understand it fully. It takes me one year to familiarize the words and the language.

            We were growing so fast until I was already in college. It is normal to have this ups and downs in our lives. But it the most painful thing that could ever happen to an individual is to lose someone who is a special part of his or her life.

            Aunt Josephina is one of my beloved aunt. Though she always scolds me for my silliness I really  love her so much. She was one special and important person who had played a special part and role in my life. She was blessed with eight siblings, the youngest is in the 1^st grade now. Of all of her nieces I am the one whom she considered as the most close to her. I am the silly, ridiculous, naughty and hard-headed niece that she ever had. I could still remember when she would always tell me not to wear inappropriate dresses like jumpers when going to school, she would always tell me not to ponytail my hair and put big  and colorful ribbons on it because I’m looking like crazy. But this niece of her is just weird and always wants funny thing. She would even scold me for staying for too long at the water when I’m taking a bath. She would always shout at me as if I was her daughter. She was a critique. But then behind that I know that she loves me. I even heard her one time telling our neighbors that I was the most intelligent student in our class, that because I was so diligent I was able to pursue my schooling in college. Whew! I then exclaimed why they are doing that. I’m shy I know I’m not intelligent.

            When I was in the middle of my school crisis. My Aunt got sick. she was stroked. At first we thought it was only false alarm or maybe she was just over fatigue. But then She had three consecutive attacks. She was hospitalized. She can’t move anymore. Though I was so busy in school I was able to manage to go to the hospital and take care of her. My mom was in
Manila that time. I contacted her and let her know about Aunts situation. Every time I’m in her hospital bed she would always close her eyes. She doesn’t want to look at me. When she’s awake I would always ask her if what does she wants. But she wouldn’t answer. She stayed in the hospital for almost one month then she was brought back home. Her situation and condition is a little good that time. We were seeing a greater chance of total  recovery in her. I know she was brave. Every time, I’m leaving home to school I would always visit her in their house and tell her funny stories and jokes which she would also laugh at. The she would always remind me to take good care of my brothers and sister, my cousins and my Mom. She would also remind me of the old reminders about what I wear and etc. Then after few weeks I arrived home and saw my cousins are in panic. She was having an attack again.

            My mom went back home here in Roxas, and once again we were helping one another to take good care of my aunt. A few weeks after my mom’s arrival, my aunt requested her that she wants to see all of her brothers and sisters and my grandma. And so we did inform them about it. I know my Aunt is having her last words. But I keep on believing she will recover and that the chance is so big. Everyday I would always do my routine of making her laugh and happy. I even let her eat meals. Until we noticed that day by day she was getting more and more weaker. She was able to see all of her brothers and sisters and my grandma. They would just look at her and encourage her to fight. Yes, and I also do that. I would always tell her “C’mon aunt you can do it”. She would just close her eyes then.

            Until this gloomy day arrived. We never expect it to happen. I don’t have class that time. And so I spend my day with her in her bed. I don’t know but some of her siblings doesn’t want to come closer to her. Some of them don’t even visit her in her room. If they would they would just stare at her.

            I don’t know but I really feel so sad   that time. A very touch situation is happening between us. I can see her very frail and thin body laying on her bed. Her eyes were saying something, She reached out for my hands with her left force. She kept on pressing it and looking at it. She was pressing it more and more harder. I know she wants to say something but I can’t take it to talk to her since I know she can’t speak. I’m even controlling myself not to cry in front of her. In my eyes I was telling her please Aunt continue to fight. She was trying to pull me. That time I was  holding the BP apparatus. I had just finish taking her blood pressure. My eyes are already becoming steamy. So I had just uttered. “You want to drink water Aunt? A minute I’ll get you water.” And I pulled my hands to release it from hers’. I was already running and I crying. I went to my cousin and told her to take care of Aunt first I need to go home. Right after I arrived at our house I went to my bed and cried. That time my aunt was already being brought back to the hospital and she was confirmed but the doctor dead on arrival.

            The next morning I went to their house I saw my mom and my cousins crying. Then they told me Aunt was gone. I was taken aback and I joined them crying. After her burial while I was on that room that same room where she was lying during the last day that we were together. I suddenly remembered. The moment when she was pulling me, pressing my hands against her…yes, I now know…That was the moment, she wants to hug me…and once again a tears fall down from my eyes. I never realized she had spent her last hours with that precious moments with me. Not with any of her siblings or other members of the family but with me…Now I know my Aunt really loves me so much.

 

Glenda