The Day I realize She’s Wanting My Hug.
My grandma and grandpa were blessed with eleven siblings. Including my mom. Those siblings were able to give them more grandchildren. And that includes us. Me and my cousins were close and good playmates. We would always play together and share funny stories. Of all of them they considered me as the special one. I was always the apple of their eyes. It’s as if they don’t want me to go. That is also same with my aunts and uncles and most of all my grandma and grandpa when he was still alive. I don’t know if what’s really in me that they don’t want me to go every time we’re playing. That was when we were still young. I was thinking of the reasons behind that until I realized that we were gone for so long away from them. When we were at father’s place in Bicol. I grew up in different places. I was born in Pontevedra, then we transferred at Bicol when I was five, I had my schooling there for my preparatory, 1st grade and 2nd grade. Then when I reached ten years old my mom and dad got separated so we stayed in
Cavite particularly at the house of my Mom’s friend. After staying there for almost one year we returned here in
City and that’s the time that I once again meet my cousins. At first they were so aloof at me. They were just staring at me but I smiled back at them and ask them to play. So that was the time we regain our closeness again. Then they told me that actually they really recognize me, they don’t even recognize my sister because she was still baby when we left. The only thing is that they were just shy to approach me because I had changed a lot. I was laughing and I told them of course we grow up that’s why we change. I continued my schooling together with my sister. my cousins and me were in different schools we just meet and play after school hours. My Aunts and uncles were also so excited to see us arrive. At first I don’t know how to speak vernacular since I grow up in a place where we speak Tagalog or Filipino at home. I was always crying at school because I thought my classmates are trying to bully me. I don’t understand them and what are they trying to say. I really had this hard time to adjust with them. Some of them doesn’t know on how to speak Tagalog. When our teacher is giving her lessons and she speaks in vernacular I really can’t understand and so I would ask her to explain it to me in Tagalog. Even my cousins were also having hard times talking and conversing with me since they need to speak in tagalong. But I had fun learning the vernacular until I was able to understand it fully. It takes me one year to familiarize the words and the language.
We were growing so fast until I was already in college. It is normal to have this ups and downs in our lives. But it the most painful thing that could ever happen to an individual is to lose someone who is a special part of his or her life.
Aunt Josephina is one of my beloved aunt. Though she always scolds me for my silliness I really love her so much. She was one special and important person who had played a special part and role in my life. She was blessed with eight siblings, the youngest is in the 1st grade now. Of all of her nieces I am the one whom she considered as the most close to her. I am the silly, ridiculous, naughty and hard-headed niece that she ever had. I could still remember when she would always tell me not to wear inappropriate dresses like jumpers when going to school, she would always tell me not to ponytail my hair and put big and colorful ribbons on it because I’m looking like crazy. But this niece of her is just weird and always wants funny thing. She would even scold me for staying for too long at the water when I’m taking a bath. She would always shout at me as if I was her daughter. She was a critique. But then behind that I know that she loves me. I even heard her one time telling our neighbors that I was the most intelligent student in our class, that because I was so diligent I was able to pursue my schooling in college. Whew! I then exclaimed why they are doing that. I’m shy I know I’m not intelligent.
When I was in the middle of my school crisis. My Aunt got sick. she was stroked. At first we thought it was only false alarm or maybe she was just over fatigue. But then She had three consecutive attacks. She was hospitalized. She can’t move anymore. Though I was so busy in school I was able to manage to go to the hospital and take care of her. My mom was in
Manila that time. I contacted her and let her know about Aunts situation. Every time I’m in her hospital bed she would always close her eyes. She doesn’t want to look at me. When she’s awake I would always ask her if what does she wants. But she wouldn’t answer. She stayed in the hospital for almost one month then she was brought back home. Her situation and condition is a little good that time. We were seeing a greater chance of total recovery in her. I know she was brave. Every time, I’m leaving home to school I would always visit her in their house and tell her funny stories and jokes which she would also laugh at. The she would always remind me to take good care of my brothers and sister, my cousins and my Mom. She would also remind me of the old reminders about what I wear and etc. Then after few weeks I arrived home and saw my cousins are in panic. She was having an attack again.
My mom went back home here in Roxas, and once again we were helping one another to take good care of my aunt. A few weeks after my mom’s arrival, my aunt requested her that she wants to see all of her brothers and sisters and my grandma. And so we did inform them about it. I know my Aunt is having her last words. But I keep on believing she will recover and that the chance is so big. Everyday I would always do my routine of making her laugh and happy. I even let her eat meals. Until we noticed that day by day she was getting more and more weaker. She was able to see all of her brothers and sisters and my grandma. They would just look at her and encourage her to fight. Yes, and I also do that. I would always tell her “C’mon aunt you can do it”. She would just close her eyes then.
Until this gloomy day arrived. We never expect it to happen. I don’t have class that time. And so I spend my day with her in her bed. I don’t know but some of her siblings doesn’t want to come closer to her. Some of them don’t even visit her in her room. If they would they would just stare at her.
I don’t know but I really feel so sad that time. A very touch situation is happening between us. I can see her very frail and thin body laying on her bed. Her eyes were saying something, She reached out for my hands with her left force. She kept on pressing it and looking at it. She was pressing it more and more harder. I know she wants to say something but I can’t take it to talk to her since I know she can’t speak. I’m even controlling myself not to cry in front of her. In my eyes I was telling her please Aunt continue to fight. She was trying to pull me. That time I was holding the BP apparatus. I had just finish taking her blood pressure. My eyes are already becoming steamy. So I had just uttered. “You want to drink water Aunt? A minute I’ll get you water.” And I pulled my hands to release it from hers’. I was already running and I crying. I went to my cousin and told her to take care of Aunt first I need to go home. Right after I arrived at our house I went to my bed and cried. That time my aunt was already being brought back to the hospital and she was confirmed but the doctor dead on arrival.
The next morning I went to their house I saw my mom and my cousins crying. Then they told me Aunt was gone. I was taken aback and I joined them crying. After her burial while I was on that room that same room where she was lying during the last day that we were together. I suddenly remembered. The moment when she was pulling me, pressing my hands against her…yes, I now know…That was the moment, she wants to hug me…and once again a tears fall down from my eyes. I never realized she had spent her last hours with that precious moments with me. Not with any of her siblings or other members of the family but with me…Now I know my Aunt really loves me so much.