JUST A SCRATCH
Things are getting more and more interesting, sometimes complicated. I entitled this page “scratch”. The reason is I just want to write everything that flows in my mind at this very moment. I just love to follow the flow that is in it.
Everyday, I’m learning a lot of lessons. Lessons that molds me to grow more physically, morally, intellectually and spiritually. Faith is one of the most important factor to be considered. Yes, I think without it I’m already gone in this world. Yes, to be honest I was able to think of committing suicide for almost many times. I don’t know, those are during my hard times. It’s as if I’m lost, I’m getting so numb. I can’t feel anything and I was just thinking of my selfish desire and that is to end my miserable life here on earth. Good thing God is really good for reminding me, I’m not alone and He’s always there for me.
Ever since the day I’ve known this earth and I’ve opened my eyes to its irresistible beauty my life is also getting more and more complicated. My maze are getting more and more tougher to be solved.
Love is one good and greatest thing God has ever given to me as a gift. Good thing he was able to place it in my heart in a very gentle manner, as if I was one delicate flower, too fragile and sensitive. With this gift I was able to appreciate more the beauty of living here on earth. Though my hard times are hundred folds compared to my happiness. With this love inside me, I was able to use the wisdom He had given me wisely. I was able to read someone’s feelings and put myself in their shoe. I was able to understand fully that life is not just happiness. A colorful life is indeed the ones which experiences a lot of ups and down. For happiness is not a true measure of success, rather it was just the fruit of the daily sacrifices that we are trying to overcome in our lives.
When I was still a kid, I don’t know how to bully. I’m afraid seeing someone cry because of me. It’s as if I’m hurting my own self. I hate seeing someone pulling flowers from a garden. I was thinking flowers do cry, they felt pain, same with animals too, I hate people who hurt them. It’s as if they were all part of me and every pain they felt affects my own body, it’s as if we were all connected. When I stepped on the grass I say sorry to them. Yes, there was this one time that this bully kids in our place tries to let me cry they were all shouting at me and throwing some stones at me …I just keep on standing to where I am, crying, staring back at them and I just said “ heaven knows”. I could still remember I was five years old that time. While I was looking at those kids in my mind I was thinking I felt so sorry for them for they don’t even know that their angels do cry in heaven because they were doing bad things. I don’t know but I really think that way.
Until I grew up I was able to carry this in my heart, every time there’s someone who is getting insecure of me or trying to felt bad against me I always cry. I always feel sorry for them. I don’t want anyone to get angry at me and my conscience is always bothering me during that time. Sometimes even though it wasn’t my fault, I really can’t sleep at night thinking that there were people who are getting angry at me. Though I’m not perfect I know on how to determine the good and the bad. Insecurities are things I usually and always encounter with my peers. I don’t know if what’s the reason behind why are they getting insecure to someone like me. I’m not even rich, I don’t owe precious things and I’m not even the most beautiful person here on earth. I am just a simple person. In fact they were luckier that I am. They have complete family; they have big and comfortable houses and a lot more. I’m not seeing anything in me that they need to get insecure with. I am even doing my very best to befriend them and to do anything that they would want me to do. But they still envy me. Well, sometimes I’m just thinking maybe they were just their to add up the spice in my life. I just hope and wish that God will always lend me His wisdom in order for me to understand and philosophize the things that are around me. I hope that I would always stand on the positive side. My imperfection is one hindrance for that but I know I can overcome this all. Self control is one thing that I’m looking up into.
Regarding my present life I’m still continuously fighting for the battle. Though the warrior is a child but deep inside her is one goal. Just to win the battle and rescue her town. That is one goal that I’m having right now. I know it’s really hard and tough to win a victorious battle.
Yes, everyday is a battle, and the best character that you should look up to as a hero is no one but you. Yourself, try to overcome everything, give all of your best and be the best that you can be in all of the challenges being given to you. Don’t expect something in return for if you give you’ll surely receive and that is more than what you’ve asked for.
A real hero is not the one who doesn’t fail. But is the one who fails but tries to renew his strength, regain his faith, stand again and continue his battle. These were all the contents of my scratch paper for this day. Hope this one will become an enlightening view to whoever who will have the chance to read it.