When Something’s Missing…

When Something’s Missing…

For the years of life that I’ve spent in this huge but minute world there had been a lot of realizations. Spending your life with the flow of time isn’t that easy. As my leaf starts to fall, the realization of living it with a purpose is an enlightenment that leads me to see and trudge the way in which I believe is right. We are the writers of our own stories. Sometimes we tend to forget that the best part of every story is its twists and turns. And that represents the trials, hardships and sacrifices that we do have. I’m thankful at last I’m growing old and mature and yes gaining lots of good insights which I can use for the betterment of my life. Though the presence of bitterness which is an unexpected and we need to cope is unavoidable. But at least I now know on how to handle this out though not so totally perfect but at least I had an idea on how to conquer it somehow. Of course this will not become possible if not because of the people that I’m meeting along the way. They were like mirrors for me. They’re giving me reflections of life and from them I can view if what needs to be done and not. But still there are times that my intuitions are leading me the wrong way. Yes because every human being is subject to err. Gaining strength to become strong in facing the battles of life is a challenge worth conquering.

However I still can’t say I’m already strong or strong enough. I still do have my weaknesses. This is the room of my fears, doubts, frustrations in short, the negative side. My being paranoid, this is where you can find the irritating and intimidating part of me. This is the part of the story where the audience or readers would say, “Gosh! that girl so stupid! Why is she acting that way, she’s not suppose to do that!” or “She seems irritating, dull, what a moron!If only I could I would really shut her up!” But these audience and readers may not seem to realize that these negative side has one big part in the story. This is to let me realize and think of my mistakes and therefore correct them.

Nobody wants being hurt. Nor it is not good to hurt someone. Most of the time, because imperfection is around there are lots of things which we consider missing in us that we find in somebody else from the group where we were being carried by the sway of life. What hurts here is that when the other person is just using us to cover the missing part of their lives and soon realize that we have serve our purpose and then just decides to leave us alone without hesitation because they’re already satisfied. Like torn papers and rugs we are stained. And these is where our trauma’s and tantrums begins.

I love being loved. It is my desire to respond to whatever that is being showed or given to me in the very best way that I can do. I am willing to do sacrifices but still you can’t get the waves from my rivers for the presence of air is always around. It may blew my waters and therefore disturb its tranquility. I may say, you must learn on how to control the wind first or to let it calm down. This is the best way you could do to gain my full trust. Yes, I seldom give trust and it always takes long time for me to establish to my self that I do already trust you. I’m not a coward or so to speak. I just wanted to make sure you really mean what you say. That’s why in my life I sometimes take long pauses because I wanted to make sure that what I’m feeling is right. I wanted to listen very closely to the beat of my heart. And also I’d like to feel the presence of sincerity. And only through silence I can find it. So don’t be bothered if I don’t hear me say anything. I’m just thinking…hoping this will not be in vain.

To choose and to decide is the hardest part. What’s important for me here is that you know on how to weigh things out. If who and which is more important. Look back, think about it a billions of times. Remember a deceitful thief. You might be one of his victims. Don’t look at beauty for it fades away. Don’t force yourself if you can’t. Don’t leave someone who’s life had been spent for you. Let that person settle down, hold him tight. Let him feel what’s inside you. Let him hear the sound of music. If he wants to leave, give him freedom and chance to go. ” To Let go is to fear less and love more…”

I believe that life will become more worth living for if we will live it the way we would want it to be. With God’s presence and guidance…Let God guide you in your every steps…Allow Him to trudge with you along the way. This for sure is a life with no “regrets”.

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Find the difference…

Find the difference…

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Find the difference!!!

 

I could still remember, during my high school years I’m fond of playing and answering puzzles. I like treasure hunting. I’m fond of this, “Find the difference in this picture”. Yes, I do enjoy it. Usually the pictures should be the same the first should be the duplicate of the other one. However, tricks were just added in order to deceive and confuse the readers. This one is different. I just remembered giving the title “find the difference” because I do believe that each and everyone of us has our own uniqueness. Yes, it’s always true in psychology. Individual differences. But what I would like to emphasize is that as unique individuals we are special. In the first place we are created by God in His own image and likeness, we were given different lives and crossroads to travel. We were given freedom to choose and decide if in which way we’re going to pass through order to overcome the obstacles and win the race of life. We all have the right. Most importantly the right to choose right and good people we would want to become part of our lives. These people are those that we consider special for us. Not because of “relationship thing” but because of “friendship thing”. Yes friends are always special for me. They always adds-up the strength that I have in my life. They are considered immortal in my heart. They would always stay there forever. I usually write articles for my friends because I wanted to let them know that’s how important they are for me. To win my friendship isn’t that hard. No higher standards and qualifications are required as long as you know if what life is, on how to value it and and most of all you know God. You know on how to let me see and show me the real me. I know that no one is perfect and yes I’m always ready to accept all of the imperfections in every special human being that I will met along the way for I know it’s the one that makes them perfect. Sacrifices are always a part without them we will not be molded to become whole. The thought of writing this article came to my mind because, I’m so glad I was able to find another one good friend and person. I’m so glad I’ve known someone who is as funny and humorous as this guy. Thanks for all of the laughs “friend Fritz”. This article is really for you. I’m wishing for more laughs and fun to come!

By the way the difference between the two pictures: “In the first picture we were a nerdy type hehehe because of the glasses…hehehe that’s the “genius side kuno naton”….tapos sa second pic….wala glasses kay ang motto dira “simplicity is beauty”…hehehe simple lang siya mo…kay man wala ka may makita…tanan gaburon…meaning tanan simple lang panulukan mo….BLURRED…Hahahaha…enjoy reading!!!

MY MOM…So Proud to be her daughter!!!

MY MOM…So Proud to be her daughter!!!

The reason of my existence…My bestfriend, kabarkada, katawanan, the person who knows when I’m sad, she never gets tired of kissing and hugging me every time I’m going home for a visit…She never stops on telling me stories, funny stories, she would always care, she would always be proud of me, she’s the one I can always lean on. She’s the reason behind why I’m continuously fighting for life, why I’m always holding on…why I wanted to live…She’s my treasure the greatest gift God had ever given me. My Mom, I’m always proud of this girl, I know she’s but a real fighter, I know she’s strong. She’s the best person I’ve ever known in my life. I will and will always love her. Her happiness is always my desire. Though sometimes I know I’m hurting her. Though sometimes I don’t talk to her, though sometimes I don’t reply in her text messages, though there are times I’m in my bad mood and I frown, though there are times i’m feeling lazy to help her in the household chores, though there are a lot of times I failed. But I never heard anything from her. She’s just keeping quite, still hugging me, telling me how happy she is for having me. Yes, she’s but my real inspiration. Though I’m like this, though she knows I’m nerd, I’m weird but still she never stops from loving me, from letting me feel I’m an important person. I’m very proud of my MOM. Mom, this article is really for you. You just don’t know that I really love you so much. Only that there are times I can’t express myself. I know you know the reason why. I know you can sense it, yes, sometimes I’m trying to think that I’m so stupid for being like this. But inside me MA, in my heart you will and will always be my one and only Mom. I LOVE YOU. This write-up and article is the only gift I can give you…This will serve as my response for your hugs and kisses..I’m still expecting for more of those…mom.jpgmom-2.jpg

Angel Wings (Gwenetian Picture Story)

Angel Wings (Gwenetian Picture Story)

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As little girls me and my sister were taught to believe in Jesus and Angels. Our mom would always tell us stories of Angels during bedtime. And this moment is the one that I love the most. I am so thankful my Mom raised us well. I’m so proud of her.

Because of this, my young mind was given an intuition of a mature one. Because Jesus loves me and Angels do exist, the thought of loving everybody and giving respect to them was planted in my mind and heart. When some kids use to bully me I would just smile and answer them “Heaven knows” even without knowing if what does this word means. I was five years old during the time that this word just came out of my mouth, when I was once bullied by my playmate. Every time I met old people I would always hug them and say “Hello grandma/granpa” and I feel so happy seeing them so amazed that a little girl they don’t even know just came in an instant and gave them a hug. I used to call everybody aunt and uncle though they weren’t. I would always love staying inside the church, imagining there were angels guiding me and playing with me. I’m always feeling so light every time that I’m thinking of it.

The picture above was taken during my preschool years. My mom enrolled me in a school run by priest and nuns. Ave Maria Child Learning Center in Bicol, my father’s place. They served as our teacher’s. I could still remember Rev. Fr. EboƱa, Sister Toni and Sister Bing. These three were my teachers and they were all good and great! As the smallest and the most aloof among the group. They would always talk to me. Ask me questions until I was to recover from my shyness at last. But still not totally. Sister Toni would ask me to lead the singing of the National Anthem. She would teach me on how to do the beating and with my little hands I would follow. I’m really shy that I use to bow down my head when walking. I seldom talk and play with my classmates because they were bad. I would always prefer staying inside the church or going at our garden and play with the flowers and butterflies. I love angels that’s why. I don’t want to be influenced by bad girls and boys.

This foundation had really made me strong and what I am right now…Thanks to my angels and most of all to Jesus. For guiding my tiny little steps in the right way.

Kawawa…

Kawawa…

Kawawa naman ako…hayyy naku magtatagalog na muna ako sa ngayon. Paano ba naman kasi, ang ibang mga tao diyan. Ewan ko ba kung anu-anong mga bagay ang pumapasok sa mga utak.

Kawawa naman ako kasi lagi nalang akong nagiging biktima ng mga maling akala. Deceiving lang siguro ang attitude at character ko paminsan-minsan. Hayyy, buhay nga naman. Pero nakakatuwa. Kasi, natutuwa ako sa kanila. Aba hamakin mo ba namang, pagbintangan akong may gusto sa isang tao.

Siguro nga sa panahon ngayon masama na talaga ang makipagkaibigan sa opposite sex. Kasi makailang beses na yatang nangyayari sa akin ang sitwasyong ito. Parang minsan nakakatuwa na medyo nakakainis din. Bakit kaya ganun na lang palagi ang naiisip ng mga tao. Na sa tuwing nakikipagmalapitan ka sa ka opposite sex mo at nagiging close kayo. May gusto ka na kaagad sa taong iyon. Sa totoo lang hindi pa talaga ako nagkaka love life at malay ko ba naman sa bagay na iyan. Ang gusto ko lang kasi magkaroon ako ng maraming kaibigan. Iyon bang walang malisyahan. Gusto ko lang marami akong kakulitan, katawanan, kakampi, kaparte ng buhay. Kasi para sa akin friends are people I would really treasure for a lifetime. At ‘pag tinanong mo ako tungkol sa lovelife. Gusto kong ulit-ulitin ang walang kamatayang linya ni Rico Yan “Love?…It’s just like saying goodbye to your greatest goals in life. And saying hello! to your worst nightmare!” I do really agree on this. Nakakapagod na kasi minsan. Napapagod na akong pagmasdan ang mga nangyayari sa aking paligid. Napapagod na ako sa kapaparinig, sa battered wife, martyr na mga asawa, broken family, break-ups, broken relationships, at kung anu-ano pang mga negatives. Hayy naku, I think it’s still possible pa rin naman na maging happy ka even without that love thing or without having a Boyfriend or girlfriend.

Ang hindi ko lang naman kasi maintindihan ay kung bakit laging nababahiran ng malisya ang hangarin kong makipagkaibigan. Hindi ko alam kung bakit lagi na lamang akong nabibiktima nito. Kung bakit laging ang mga tao ring ito ay laging nadadala at naniniwala na may gusto ako sa kanila. Mabuti nalang sana kung hindi. Nakakapagod talaga. At nakakapanghinayang. Kasi kung alam lang sana nila kung gaano ko pinahahalagahan ang kahulugang “kaibigan”. Sana naman maisip nila ito.

Hind naman sa masyado akong nagpapaapekto sa isyu. Kaya lang parang torture kasi sa akin ang mga ganitong bagay. Pakiramdam ko ay nawawala ang aking kalayaan. Parang sumisikip ang buong paligid. Sana naman… matapos na ang lahat ng ito.Ayoko na talaga kasi makinig, gusto ko na minsang umiyak. Ayoko kasi na may nag ti tease sa akin. At ang always na big issue ay: “AKO PA ANG MAY CRUSH AT GUSTO” naku naman. Ayoko ko na talaga. Siguro nga mananahimik nalang ako, huwag nalang kaya akong makipag-kaibigan, huwag nalang akong mamansin, sumimangot na lang ako lagi, huwag na lamang akong ngumiti, wala na akong ibang iisipin kundi, trabaho,trabaho at trabaho. Pamilya at trabaho..wala ng iba para magwakas na ang lahat ng ito. Hindi ko talaga masikmura…na pagsabihan ako na ako pa ang may gusto sa isang tao…sobrang gusto ko talagang magalit kung pwede nga lang…

Kaya ko ang lahat ng ito sana nga ay lumipas na to…