For the years of life that I’ve spent in this huge but minute world there had been a lot of realizations. Spending your life with the flow of time isn’t that easy. As my leaf starts to fall, the realization of living it with a purpose is an enlightenment that leads me to see and trudge the way in which I believe is right. We are the writers of our own stories. Sometimes we tend to forget that the best part of every story is its twists and turns. And that represents the trials, hardships and sacrifices that we do have. I’m thankful at last I’m growing old and mature and yes gaining lots of good insights which I can use for the betterment of my life. Though the presence of bitterness which is an unexpected and we need to cope is unavoidable. But at least I now know on how to handle this out though not so totally perfect but at least I had an idea on how to conquer it somehow. Of course this will not become possible if not because of the people that I’m meeting along the way. They were like mirrors for me. They’re giving me reflections of life and from them I can view if what needs to be done and not. But still there are times that my intuitions are leading me the wrong way. Yes because every human being is subject to err. Gaining strength to become strong in facing the battles of life is a challenge worth conquering.
However I still can’t say I’m already strong or strong enough. I still do have my weaknesses. This is the room of my fears, doubts, frustrations in short, the negative side. My being paranoid, this is where you can find the irritating and intimidating part of me. This is the part of the story where the audience or readers would say, “Gosh! that girl so stupid! Why is she acting that way, she’s not suppose to do that!” or “She seems irritating, dull, what a moron!If only I could I would really shut her up!” But these audience and readers may not seem to realize that these negative side has one big part in the story. This is to let me realize and think of my mistakes and therefore correct them.
Nobody wants being hurt. Nor it is not good to hurt someone. Most of the time, because imperfection is around there are lots of things which we consider missing in us that we find in somebody else from the group where we were being carried by the sway of life. What hurts here is that when the other person is just using us to cover the missing part of their lives and soon realize that we have serve our purpose and then just decides to leave us alone without hesitation because they’re already satisfied. Like torn papers and rugs we are stained. And these is where our trauma’s and tantrums begins.
I love being loved. It is my desire to respond to whatever that is being showed or given to me in the very best way that I can do. I am willing to do sacrifices but still you can’t get the waves from my rivers for the presence of air is always around. It may blew my waters and therefore disturb its tranquility. I may say, you must learn on how to control the wind first or to let it calm down. This is the best way you could do to gain my full trust. Yes, I seldom give trust and it always takes long time for me to establish to my self that I do already trust you. I’m not a coward or so to speak. I just wanted to make sure you really mean what you say. That’s why in my life I sometimes take long pauses because I wanted to make sure that what I’m feeling is right. I wanted to listen very closely to the beat of my heart. And also I’d like to feel the presence of sincerity. And only through silence I can find it. So don’t be bothered if I don’t hear me say anything. I’m just thinking…hoping this will not be in vain.
To choose and to decide is the hardest part. What’s important for me here is that you know on how to weigh things out. If who and which is more important. Look back, think about it a billions of times. Remember a deceitful thief. You might be one of his victims. Don’t look at beauty for it fades away. Don’t force yourself if you can’t. Don’t leave someone who’s life had been spent for you. Let that person settle down, hold him tight. Let him feel what’s inside you. Let him hear the sound of music. If he wants to leave, give him freedom and chance to go. ” To Let go is to fear less and love more…”
I believe that life will become more worth living for if we will live it the way we would want it to be. With God’s presence and guidance…Let God guide you in your every steps…Allow Him to trudge with you along the way. This for sure is a life with no “regrets”.