It’s not everyday

It’s not everyday

It’s not even everyday that I get to write on your pages, I admit the trauma is still lurking deep inside me. It’s never that easy to get free. It’s hard to forget when every time you try, your heart remembers everything. I’m totally lost right now. Don’t even know where to begin. I’m seeing myself trapped inside a cage full of thorns and lasers to cut and tear me if I try to move.

This dark, very dark place where I am is killing me, it’s so easy to hide this feelings in plain site. It’s so easy to fool onlookers to let them feel everything is just fine when it’s actually not. This heavy feeling, this coldness, this emptiness, I don’t know how much more I can take.

It’s been 8 years when I started to take this journey and yet I’m still here, I actually never left the phase where those demons lurking are trying to kill my soul, my dreams and goals.

I’ve tried, I actually tried so hard to a point where I am disgusted, I pity myself for not being able to conquer it. When I thought I already won the game I didn’t know it has just started.

All the heartaches and pains, I don’t even know why I’m still alive. These very people whom I thought were my life have actually ruined me. I’m filthier than a trash to them.

It’s hard that I can’t really tell someone what I truly feel. It’s hard to bent it out when you have no choice but to keep it to yourself. Thank you for letting me borrow you tonight. Thank you for this page.

God thanks so much that I can always write to you. Thanks so much for letting me do this for all of the blessings. Please do help me with my sorrows God so that I will know where to begin and how to end it. I know that You are the only one who could listen and read this right now. I am so burdened God that I would like to ask for your guidance and help. I’m so sorry if I am stubborn and for being so cold, sorry to bother you but this is the only way I know. I’m glad to have this moment with you. I love you God. Thanks a lot!

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