One day I wanted to be able to look back to this day and remember that my heart beat is louder than ever for you, only you my love.
Indeed the force is so strong like the whirlwind, it’s massive, destructive, exaggerated and all that. Inside this whirlwind are a mix of emotions this love has brought and taught me. My secret formula is always love. Hate, anger, pain, hopelessness, sadness, fear when I equate them with my love for you they always turn to what I didn’t expect for them to. A much stronger and braver love that can conquer all.
Of all the things that happened, today is the day that I realize that the fight I have chosen is all worth it. You are worth fighting for. All the pain, tears, anger, frustrations letting them go and fighting them is never that easy. They were like dragons taking my heart out and burning it over and over again. I cried thousands of times, I pitied myself, think of just ending my earth, blamed myself and all that and then I realized it was all because of my fear of losing you. And then I stood up, faced all these demons and conquered them one by one with the only weapon I have, my love for you. In the midst of this battle I almost gave up because the dark power that enveloped your heart is closing so fast that it almost blinded your love. You were so tempted that I had a hard time fighting back. But then as I was about to surrender I looked at you and felt and saw in your eyes the struggle and your willingness to get out of that dark power. Imprisoned and bound by this spell it made you weak and in need of a rescue. And for one last time as the enemies are bombarding me with so much force I took the chance to listen to my heartbeat. And it sounded stronger, stronger than ever. Focusing on this very energy I gathered my one last strength and as they were caving in towards us I closed my eyes and hugged you tight and freely we fell in this abyss and then the darkness grew and covered us both and suddenly all darkness were replaced with blinding lights then came the colors, bubbles, flowers, rainbows and we’re back! We won! Yes I won! Now stronger than ever no dark spell can ever bind your heart again, no dark powers will ever come to take you away from me. They were now buried inside my heartbeat who will beat for you forever! No more escape for the demons for our love conquers all!
One day when we get the chance to read this again we will be reminded of how much our love has gone through and how much our love grew.
Days will pass and we will somehow leave this earth when time comes but let this be a testament that the journey of our love is a path no one has ever taken.
From this day forward I will love you like I’m gonna lose you.
Hey self, so how are you doing! Today let’s celebrate and look forward to all the good things in life. You’ve been through a lot lately and you deserve to be celebrated. You have a lot of fears to leave behind, look at the rainbows when you see them for they seldom show up but when they do it sure is hope and happiness that it brings. Life is amazing and don’t miss the chance of savoring every bit of it. Internalize your beauty coz you are beautiful. Congratulations for all the conquering, for being strong, for speaking up your mind, for taking time to think when you are so down. Self I salute you for all of the fears, anger, frustrations, failures that made you realize how strong you are and how invincible is your weapon, your faith in God. Kudos self for working so hard and doing everything and above that for never ever forgetting that you’re doing it not only for you but your family. Self always be reminded that your family and God is your greatest strength and that you can conquer all just as long as you leave your fears behind and trust and surrender your heart to God. #iloveyouself and #todayisselfday
It’s not even everyday that I get to write on your pages, I admit the trauma is still lurking deep inside me. It’s never that easy to get free. It’s hard to forget when every time you try, your heart remembers everything. I’m totally lost right now. Don’t even know where to begin. I’m seeing myself trapped inside a cage full of thorns and lasers to cut and tear me if I try to move.
This dark, very dark place where I am is killing me, it’s so easy to hide this feelings in plain site. It’s so easy to fool onlookers to let them feel everything is just fine when it’s actually not. This heavy feeling, this coldness, this emptiness, I don’t know how much more I can take.
It’s been 8 years when I started to take this journey and yet I’m still here, I actually never left the phase where those demons lurking are trying to kill my soul, my dreams and goals.
I’ve tried, I actually tried so hard to a point where I am disgusted, I pity myself for not being able to conquer it. When I thought I already won the game I didn’t know it has just started.
All the heartaches and pains, I don’t even know why I’m still alive. These very people whom I thought were my life have actually ruined me. I’m filthier than a trash to them.
It’s hard that I can’t really tell someone what I truly feel. It’s hard to bent it out when you have no choice but to keep it to yourself. Thank you for letting me borrow you tonight. Thank you for this page.
God thanks so much that I can always write to you. Thanks so much for letting me do this for all of the blessings. Please do help me with my sorrows God so that I will know where to begin and how to end it. I know that You are the only one who could listen and read this right now. I am so burdened God that I would like to ask for your guidance and help. I’m so sorry if I am stubborn and for being so cold, sorry to bother you but this is the only way I know. I’m glad to have this moment with you. I love you God. Thanks a lot!
I needed a refresh! Brain…brain…brain work! So I’m looking at starting new things and going back to blogging again. Simply because I kept on forgetting a lot of things and I wanted a lot of memories stored in here.
I miss blogging I needed to improve my writing and vocabs and above that I needed to share some stories!
What I like about this is that it’s kind of personal space for me where I can writer everything and anything that i wanted without hesitation. I like it that nobody would care to read it until somebody found it by accident. I don’t want to be famous I just wanted to more about myself that I think writing in here would help me understand more about my nature.
Life has no meaning if we don’t make the most of what we ever wanted. Why should we stop ourselves when we have the ability to do so.
How long has it been? Well there are times that I really wanted to go back to writing but there’s something that’s holding me back. I’m not sure but maybe I am just going crazy these days. I’d like to do a lot of soul searching and find myself but I feel so weak and can’t understand what’s happening to me.
Anyway, I’m glad I was able to write something here today.
What makes you feel alive and breathing are things that makes you move on and go on with life. Though there are a lot of things going on, what is important is that you make each moment a special one and survives the day. It’s never too late. You’ve been distant for so long. You’ve been longing to do this again but it’s been hard lately, like knocking on a door without answers, it might be what you wanted but you are bothered, greyed out and brain dead as if.
You can do it. Continue to chase life, it’s meaning to you. Never give up. Love yourself more. Know what you want and do it without hesitation! You’ve been here and been there. Cycle will always change the direction but it’s for you to follow and go against!
Fight for what you think is right and do the right thing. SMILEEEE!